So I am toying with the idea of signing up with a dating site. I have already registered but now they want my money. Recently I have met two people from the internet. One rather loopy and the other rather hot – but WAY to young for me. He is the one I call Toyboy – we now see each other about once a month – just getting to know each other. I know there is no future in the relationship yet I am hesitant to walk away because I find it fun and exciting (and he kisses like an absolute dream!) All we have done is kissed so far. He arrives to visit again next month.
Why I think it won’t work
- He is 8 years younger than me
- He is still interested (maybe) in getting married and having children – I am not able to have any more children and I don’t want anymore
- He is very ambitious and career driven – I have been there, done that, and now want to relax and enjoy my life
- He would like to go and live in the USA once his business is better established there – I don’t.
- We live too far apart ( 2 hour drive)
- He often works on weekends.
- He does not communicate very well – leaves messages hanging and seems to hold back a lot
So now tell me why I have not called it all off? I really baffle myself sometimes 🙂
You kiss like a dream but I have the feeling you are toying with me……
You should still be mourning me – not screwing the tart that you messed around with and then told me she is not your type. You deny it but I have noticed that you have stopped begging to come home.
I got your letter. I see you still deny me my right to have emotions and feelings. I am glad we are not together. I still love and miss you. How sad.
Dear Mr A
You need to get your act together if you are ever going to have a decent relationship. Be a man, get a spine, make decisions, and don’t let people down. Thank you for still being my friend after I said no.
I am glad you are finally happy. That makes me happy.
I am still mad at you (after 22 years) for being such a bad example to your child. He deserves better.
Where the heck are you? I miss you…
As mentioned previously, I tend to be a serial monogamist. For future reference, when I maybe have some blog readers, 🙂 , I have decided to make a relationship timeline for your information (it can get confusing.)
16-21 My first love – I am still in contact with him (BB)
21-23 My first husband with whom I had my first child (boy) – we have no contact (Boydad)
26-33 My second husband with whom I had my second child (girl) – we still get on great, he has remarried and my daughter has a great stepmom. (Girldad)
34-39 A relationship with the man I mentioned in friday’s post (SS)
39 – 44 My last relationship which recently broke down (WW) – still have contact
Between these relationships there were also a few guys that I dated short-term with whom I also still have contact.
Whew! Quite a list.
Right, so before a get many mean comments haha I must say that I do realise that I have relationship issues, or at the very least, I do not follow the norm with regards to most people out there. I guess some folk would think that maybe I am just an airhead that goes from one man to the next (maybe I am). I do however need to put this all into context. I am and have been right from the beginning of my career, a successful business woman. I have excelled in many positions and was recruited to work in Europe for an international company for a few years. I have provided well for my family throughout this time. I own two homes and am seen by most of my friends and family as a rather bright scientist. Quite a contradiction isn’t it?
I am about to turn 45 years old. I would like to find out why my relationships don’t last so that I can rectify the problem and finally settle down happily. This blog is part of the process.
I was so sure about love when I was younger, confident that I would find it and live happily ever after. I am living happily ever after and I have loved – or what I think love is, but for me, love for someone outside of my blood relatives, seems to fall more into a series of monogamous relationships – it’s never been that “one true love” or soul mate for me.
That self assuredness that I had as a young adult seems to have dissolved. Now, yes I am confident in myself, I know who I am, but I sure as heck don’t have a clue what ‘real love’ is supposed to feel like. I question my ability now to love completely and unconditionally (as I love my children). Will it ever happen?