Musings of a (slightly) older single woman

Posts tagged ‘dating’

Sifting process

This is a sieve (also known as a strainer).

Image via Wikipedia

After a tedious process of sifting through the responses I have received on the dating site, I am now chatting to 5 or 6 gentlemen.

I almost threw in the towel while going through all the “hello how are you-tell me about yourself” responses I got.  It just held no sparkle really – telling everyone the same old stuff  over. and. over. again.  I almost set up a routine response that I could just copy and paste.

There are still a few that need to be sieved out I think – and strangely enough I am still chatting to the “toe nail” man although I know he has to go.  I just find his outlook on dating so……. weird and fascinating.  I am not stringing him along – don’t get me wrong,  I don’t think that I would go as far as to meet him – especially not with my toenails 🙂

I was just wondering why I am finding this process to tiring and frustrating.  Should I not be excited to meet new people?  Maybe my heart just isn’t in it……….

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Internet dating is at least giving me a few laughs….

This is an excerpt from a message I received from a man on the dating site.  It is from an introductory email –  I really do understand what he is getting at but please(!)  – does one even say these things?  Maybe he was just trying to be funny, and I did laugh out loud……..

During this 7 years, I had 2 fairly serious relationships, one of
which came to an end primarliy as a result of age difference!!, and
the other one with a lady from Germany (we simply fell in love at
first sight)  because there are too many practical difficulties in
terms of her children finishing off school, further education and the
like. The latter and I are still great friends. As a matter of fact,
we recently had a great holiday together, and the photos on the site
was taken during this holiday – so they are “fresh”!!.

The difficulty with this type of making contact is always – where does
one begin?? What topics does one cover??

I am a very “young at heart” individual, and reasonably active. I try
to keep fit by either jogging / going to the gym at least three times
a week. (Heart rate at rest is around 65bpm) I also eat healthy and in
general take pretty good care of myself. (I hate “sloppiness”)
Jokingly (but actually quite serious) I always say that all that a
women has to look for to see if a man looks reasonably well after
himself, is to have a look at his toe nails. Well, I also found
a good bit of validity to this statement in encounters with some women
as well – which of course is a “run” signal!!

Would love to hear your opinions

Happy dating

You have to sort through the chaff

I have finally signed up and paid for an internet dating site and have started to chat to a few men.  Boy-oh-boy, some moments are hilarious and others are downright horrendous.  I guess one finds all sorts of people who are lonely on these sites.

I am currently sorting through the available men in my age range and deleting those that:-

1.  just want sex

2. want a free maid

3. want sex and a free maid

and I think there are very few left.

I started chatting to a man today and when he heard where I live (its quite an exotic location) he told me that I am very lucky to live there.  When I answered him I said, in all seriousness, that I had worked very hard in my life to be able to live the way I do where I do and that I don’t really believe in luck – life is what you make of it.

He replied:

I hate sarcasm

and the dating program said….

Chris has placed you on ignore – you will no longer be able to contact him.

Ha!  And I wonder why I am unlucky in love………..

 

Internet dating

So I am toying with the idea of signing up with a dating site.  I have already registered but now they want my money.  Recently I have met two people from the internet. One rather loopy and the other rather hot – but WAY to young for me.  He is the one I call Toyboy – we now see each other about once a month – just getting to know each other.  I know there is no future in the relationship yet I am hesitant to walk away because I find it fun and exciting (and he kisses like an absolute dream!)  All we have done is kissed so far.  He arrives to visit again next month.

Why I think it won’t work

  • He is 8 years younger than me
  • He is still interested (maybe) in getting married and having children – I am not able to have any more children and I don’t want anymore
  • He is very ambitious and career driven – I have been there, done that, and now want to relax and enjoy my life
  • He would like to go and live in the USA once his business is better established there – I don’t.
  • We live too far apart ( 2 hour drive)
  • He often works on weekends.
  • He does not communicate very well – leaves messages hanging and seems to hold back a lot

So now tell me why I have not called it all off?  I really baffle myself sometimes 🙂

My relationship timeline

As mentioned previously, I tend to be a serial monogamist.  For future reference, when I maybe have some blog readers, 🙂 , I have decided to make a relationship timeline for your information (it can get confusing.)

16-21   My first love  – I am still in contact with him (BB)

21-23  My first husband with whom I had my first child (boy) – we have no contact (Boydad)

26-33 My second husband with whom I had my second child (girl) – we still get on great, he has remarried and my daughter has a great stepmom. (Girldad)

34-39 A relationship with the man I mentioned in friday’s post (SS)

39 – 44 My last relationship which recently broke down (WW) – still have contact

Between these relationships there were also a few guys that I dated short-term with whom I also still have contact.

Whew!  Quite a list.

Right, so before a get many mean comments haha I must say that I do realise that I have relationship issues, or at the very least, I do not follow the norm with regards to most people out there.  I guess some folk would think that maybe I am just an airhead that goes from one man to the next (maybe I am).  I do however need to put this all into context.  I am and have been right from the beginning of my career, a successful business woman. I have excelled in many positions and was recruited to work in Europe for an international company for a few years.  I have provided well for my family throughout this time. I own two homes and am seen by most of my friends and family as a rather bright scientist.  Quite a contradiction isn’t it?

I am about to turn 45 years old.  I would like to find out why my relationships don’t last so that I can rectify the problem and finally settle down happily.  This blog is part of the process.

A blast from the past

About 6 years ago I broke up with my then boyfriend.  We had been dating for 5 years and owned a house together. It was a tough decision which had taken me months of mind wrangling with myself, we even went so far as to go for counselling. But eventually I made the call and left him.  I loved him very much but he sucked all my energy out of me. I had to go.

He was a nice guy (mostly.)  He did not know how to deal with emotion – mine or his.  He punished by with-holding affection.  I was punished if I displayed any emotion other than total love and adoration. I was not allowed to have any needs.

After I left him he went through a bit of a tough patch and he asked me to not make any contact with him once we had settled the house deal as he needed time to find himself.

Fast forward 6 years – I received this email last week.

Hi (Alternativelyme),

I was on the internet a couple of days ago and I googled you.

I found your blog, which when I read it, stirred up all the feelings and emotions in me that I have been trying to suppress for so long.

It feels like I have been living my life in limbo for the past 5 years and never really going anywhere. I love you with all my heart and I always will. There is not a day in my life that goes by, where I do not think of you. I think everybody has one perfect match in life, and you are mine. I have had a couple of girlfriends over the years, but I suppose I have always compared them to you and they have never compared, so it has never worked out.

I know you probably don’t wont to hear this, but perhaps by putting my feelings down on paper, I can get some closure and move on in life. I have written you a thousand emails that I never sent., but I guess if you are reading this then I finally had the balls to send it.

It sounds like you have a great new life and I wish you the best and all the happiness it can bring.

I don’t expect a reply, in fact I don’t think I want a reply. Perhaps just an acknowledgment that you have read this would be good.

xxxxxxxxx <- not kisses

(Double-ex boyfriend)

I would love to hear your comments on this. How would you have reacted?