Playing on the Merry go round by The Knowles Gallery via Flickr
I have been seeing my ex quite often recently – as friends only. He is lonely and so am I so I thought it would not be a bad thing. Just over a week ago we spent the whole day together alone doing stuff that we used to do together. The evening ended on an intimate note which it should not have done. I was weak. I felt sorry for him. I felt sorry for me.
How can I forget the things he did. How can I not remember how he lied and pulled the wool over my eyes while he messed with other girls? Externally he creates the impression of being a kind and loving man – very considerate and such a gentleman – I know he does this – yet I let it work on me again. I also know that he lies and cheats. He has still not admitted to everything that happened.
And I frigging let him under my skin again! AM I MAD?
I don’t want him back. I know this. What am I doing? He is being so sweet and kind to me – is it real? Probably not? He is a psychologist. He messes with my stupid, stupid head. I LET him!!!!
This is an excerpt from a message I received from a man on the dating site. It is from an introductory email – I really do understand what he is getting at but please(!) – does one even say these things? Maybe he was just trying to be funny, and I did laugh out loud……..
During this 7 years, I had 2 fairly serious relationships, one of
which came to an end primarliy as a result of age difference!!, and
the other one with a lady from Germany (we simply fell in love at
first sight) because there are too many practical difficulties in
terms of her children finishing off school, further education and the
like. The latter and I are still great friends. As a matter of fact,
we recently had a great holiday together, and the photos on the site
was taken during this holiday – so they are “fresh”!!.
The difficulty with this type of making contact is always – where does
one begin?? What topics does one cover??
I am a very “young at heart” individual, and reasonably active. I try
to keep fit by either jogging / going to the gym at least three times
a week. (Heart rate at rest is around 65bpm) I also eat healthy and in
general take pretty good care of myself. (I hate “sloppiness”)
Jokingly (but actually quite serious) I always say that all that a
women has to look for to see if a man looks reasonably well after
himself, is to have a look at his toe nails. Well, I also found
a good bit of validity to this statement in encounters with some women
as well – which of course is a “run” signal!!
Would love to hear your opinions
Image via Wikipedia
Yesterday a new friend of mine asked me if I get lonely – not having a life partner. I do. She said that that was so sad. She wished a wish for me to find a life partner so that I can be happy. I told her I am happy. She could not grasp that. Why is it not possible to feel lonely sometimes but to still be happy? I think it is. My happiness does not come from outside sources. I get happiness from the inside.
I don’t have to have all my boxes ticked to be happy. Is that so wrong? I think she thinks I am lying…..
Further news – I have dumped Toyboy (in a nice way). It just didn’t feel right and warning bells were ringing. I always ignore warning bells and then regret it later. This time I didn’t.
So now is the time to sign up for internet dating…. why am I procrastinating?
So I am toying with the idea of signing up with a dating site. I have already registered but now they want my money. Recently I have met two people from the internet. One rather loopy and the other rather hot – but WAY to young for me. He is the one I call Toyboy – we now see each other about once a month – just getting to know each other. I know there is no future in the relationship yet I am hesitant to walk away because I find it fun and exciting (and he kisses like an absolute dream!) All we have done is kissed so far. He arrives to visit again next month.
Why I think it won’t work
- He is 8 years younger than me
- He is still interested (maybe) in getting married and having children – I am not able to have any more children and I don’t want anymore
- He is very ambitious and career driven – I have been there, done that, and now want to relax and enjoy my life
- He would like to go and live in the USA once his business is better established there – I don’t.
- We live too far apart ( 2 hour drive)
- He often works on weekends.
- He does not communicate very well – leaves messages hanging and seems to hold back a lot
So now tell me why I have not called it all off? I really baffle myself sometimes 🙂
You kiss like a dream but I have the feeling you are toying with me……
You should still be mourning me – not screwing the tart that you messed around with and then told me she is not your type. You deny it but I have noticed that you have stopped begging to come home.
I got your letter. I see you still deny me my right to have emotions and feelings. I am glad we are not together. I still love and miss you. How sad.
Dear Mr A
You need to get your act together if you are ever going to have a decent relationship. Be a man, get a spine, make decisions, and don’t let people down. Thank you for still being my friend after I said no.
I am glad you are finally happy. That makes me happy.
I am still mad at you (after 22 years) for being such a bad example to your child. He deserves better.
Where the heck are you? I miss you…