Musings of a (slightly) older single woman

A blast from the past

About 6 years ago I broke up with my then boyfriend.  We had been dating for 5 years and owned a house together. It was a tough decision which had taken me months of mind wrangling with myself, we even went so far as to go for counselling. But eventually I made the call and left him.  I loved him very much but he sucked all my energy out of me. I had to go.

He was a nice guy (mostly.)  He did not know how to deal with emotion – mine or his.  He punished by with-holding affection.  I was punished if I displayed any emotion other than total love and adoration. I was not allowed to have any needs.

After I left him he went through a bit of a tough patch and he asked me to not make any contact with him once we had settled the house deal as he needed time to find himself.

Fast forward 6 years – I received this email last week.

Hi (Alternativelyme),

I was on the internet a couple of days ago and I googled you.

I found your blog, which when I read it, stirred up all the feelings and emotions in me that I have been trying to suppress for so long.

It feels like I have been living my life in limbo for the past 5 years and never really going anywhere. I love you with all my heart and I always will. There is not a day in my life that goes by, where I do not think of you. I think everybody has one perfect match in life, and you are mine. I have had a couple of girlfriends over the years, but I suppose I have always compared them to you and they have never compared, so it has never worked out.

I know you probably don’t wont to hear this, but perhaps by putting my feelings down on paper, I can get some closure and move on in life. I have written you a thousand emails that I never sent., but I guess if you are reading this then I finally had the balls to send it.

It sounds like you have a great new life and I wish you the best and all the happiness it can bring.

I don’t expect a reply, in fact I don’t think I want a reply. Perhaps just an acknowledgment that you have read this would be good.

xxxxxxxxx <- not kisses

(Double-ex boyfriend)

I would love to hear your comments on this. How would you have reacted?


Comments on: "A blast from the past" (2)

  1. I can relate to both situations as I find myself in both roles (!) at present. Trust that the universe has an ultimate plan for you.

    Other than that (I know you wanted a suggestion/advice) best of luck in whatever you decide :)…

    • I have surely made up my mind on this one – I can never go backwards although everyone says “never say never”. I was just really wondering what folk thought of his last line regarding a reply? Am I being too sensitive here? I just feel that he is still not interested in what I have to say – he never was…..

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